DEAR MISS LONELY HEARTS: I just got out of a relationship a few months ago and I’m still in so much pain that life feels unreal.
The woman I was planning to marry cheated on me with an old guy who was a real jerk, but very handsome. I still feel completely broken.
I’m worried that I won’t be able to trust any woman now. I know it sounds unfair, but I’ve already been cheated on twice in just five years! I realize this may be exactly the type of person I’m attracted to – a little wild – but my last girlfriend wasn’t like that and she seemed to have her life together and knew what she wanted. But she was also secretly playing along with me – Mr. Clueless.
I feel resentment towards all women growing inside me. I really don’t want to become one of those bitter guys who stays alone for the rest of his life because he doesn’t trust anyone. But how can I overcome this? Is this even possible, or will I remain a loser who is always cheated on?
– Jilted and Jaded, Winnipeg Beach
Dear Jilted and Jaded! A good relationship coach can help you work through your previous relationships to your current one. This will take some work and patience, but can be very educational and helpful for the person in your situation.
Soon you will begin to realize the positive and negative aspects of the typical people that you are attracted to in the first place. Your counselor will help you start avoiding the same type of people and guide you to people who are better suited for you and who really want you.
Then you will need to gather your courage and go on real dates. You need to meet new people face to face in a place that is safe for both of you. Natural attraction can increase when people do things they love together, whether it’s creative endeavors or volunteering for causes that mean something to them.
Dear Miss lonely hearts: My old boyfriend was back in Winnipeg visiting his parents and stopped by hoping to see me and my family visiting.
He called when it was still possible to come, but then he took his time getting here, and by then my new boyfriend showed up for Sunday dinner.
Right after the meal, my ex apologized and left.
My irritated new boyfriend said to me, “Why did this guy stay with us for dinner?”
My father heard this and said, “Any friend of this family can stay at my house for Sunday dinner or play cards!”
My new friend has been sulking ever since. I don’t know how to react. Should I just ignore it?
— Caught in the middle, North End
Dear Caught: You will need to talk to your new boyfriend about how the inclusive nature of your family works.
He might want to consider leaving if he’s so sensitive to old boyfriends coming around when you and your family are okay with it.
Some people just can’t stand any competition.
How would you like it if his ex-girlfriend came over for lunch at his parents’ family dinner?
It may be too early for your ex to randomly drop by.
Later, if you and your new guy are really reliable, this may not bother anyone at all.
Maybe talk to your dad since he seems to be in charge of Sunday socializing.
Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts at the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.
Maureen Scarfield
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Maureen Scarfield writes the advice column Miss Lonely Hearts.
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