prosecution: Ayaan
I thought I was lending money to Ahmed for something vital, not for a trip to Greece.
My brother Ahmed and I both live at home – he’s 27 and I’m 25. I respect him, but he’s a lot more disorganized than I am, and over the years he’s asked me to keep secrets from our parents when he’s messed things up. I recently lent him money, which he used to go on vacation with friends. This annoyed me, but I didn’t tell my parents.
Ahmed is busy right now. I’m doing a journalism internship, but at least I have a salary. When Ahmed asked me for money, he didn’t say what it was for, but I assumed it was for living expenses or something important. Our parents work but send money to family in Somalia, so we try to help with rent. Ahmed hasn’t been paid much lately, but my parents don’t mind because they want him to find a job. Besides, I think as the eldest son he gets away with more.
Ahmed and I are close, but we don’t talk about our finances in detail. I assumed it was vital for him to ask me for money. I lent him about £400 a month ago, which is significantly more than my £1,500 monthly internship salary. We didn’t discuss the terms or when he would pay me back, but I thought it would happen sooner rather than later.
But two weeks later he tells me that he is going to Greece with friends for five days. I thought, “Am I a mug?” It seems unreasonable to say you have problems and then go on holiday abroad. Ahmed said, “Just because you lent me money doesn’t mean you can dictate how I spend it.” I didn’t try to dictate. And I don’t expect Ahmed to live like a monk until he repays me.
Luckily, I don’t need the money back immediately, but I felt stupid when he wasn’t there while I was working. I think if you borrow a significant amount of money from someone, you should try to pay it back before spending hundreds on unnecessary things.
Our parents noticed some tension between us, but I didn’t tell them why because I knew Ahmed would be embarrassed. He said he would return my money “soon” but I’m sure it will be a long time after his vacation.
defense: Ahmed
I bought a cheap flight to cheer myself up – so what? The lender cannot dictate how the money is spent.
Of course, I’m grateful that my sister lent me money. Times are tough right now as I was recently laid off from my recruiting job and I can’t help our parents as much as I’d like. I don’t like being in this position, but I’d rather borrow from my family than take out a loan or go into credit card debt.
When my sister gave me £400 she literally said, “Give me the money back when you can.” I didn’t realize there was an unspoken deadline. If you lend someone money in good faith, you cannot dictate how it is spent. This was never part of the deal. If that were the case, I wouldn’t agree to it.
I spent some of the £400 on food, outings and a Ryanair flight. I don’t think I should be demonized for this. The trip had already been discussed with friends and I did it as cheaply as possible. Ayaan acts as if I am traveling the world waving my money as I go. This was not the case. I’m on breaks from work, which means I’ve already had to cut back on a lot of things, and that knocks your confidence. I don’t think owing someone money means you have to put your entire life on hold until you find a job again.
Ayaan says she doesn’t need the money urgently, so I don’t really understand why my leaving suddenly changed the agreement. If she had said, “I need this back next month,” it would have been different and I would have prioritized it, but she didn’t. Of course I’ll pay her back and apply for the job. I just don’t think lending someone money gives you the right to control how they spend it.
I appreciate that Ayaan didn’t tell our parents about this. They are quite strict and always want to know what we are doing, especially Ayaan. However, I don’t think it’s true that it’s easier for me, as the eldest son, to drive. They always ask about my return to work, but luckily they haven’t asked me for rent since I was fired. I don’t want to be in this situation, but I’m glad Ayan helped me. I would do the same for her.
Names have been changed
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Guardian Readers’ Jury
Ayaan should have asked what the money was for before agreeing to lend it. But it doesn’t seem right that Ahmed didn’t tell her he was already planning a vacation. I wouldn’t be able to relax on the sun lounger knowing that I had deceived my sister.
David, 45 years old
If you’re lending money to someone because they’re struggling, using it to go on vacation is very daring. Sounds like Ahmed knows this – if not, why didn’t he tell Ayaan what it was for before borrowing it?
Christy, 50 years old
Ayaan can relax on this. Ahmed needed to blow off some steam and go out with his friends. They are like a family that takes care of each other and pays off their debts, so I think Ahmed should relax a little.
Grace, 33 years old
Ahmed is right to say that “a lender has no right to dictate how money is spent” but not telling your sister it was for holidays and allowing her to assume it was for living expenses is completely inappropriate. I’m with Ayaan.
Kofi, 25 years old
It’s not Ahmed’s fault that he’s unemployed right now, but if he wanted to borrow money for a vacation, he should have warned Ayaan from the beginning. She lent her brother a large portion of her monthly earnings and he should work harder to repay the amount.
Jesse, 38 years old
Now you will be the judge
Tell us in our online poll: Does Ahmed have free time?
The survey closes on Wednesday 23rd September at 9am BST.
Last week’s results
We asked if Jasper should finish old bottles and bags before opening new ones.
99% of you said yes – JAsper is guilty
1% of you said no – Jasper is innocent
